Why So Many Accomplished Black Women are Lonely…Am I/Are You? Let’s Talk by Sharing Our Inner-Thoughts…

by Margrett Dawson Wallace
(Pelham, Georgia USA)

Why So Many Accomplished Black Women are Lonely…Am I/Are You? Let’s Talk by Sharing Our Inner-Thoughts…

financial stability and prestige...

May I share? We are still holding out for the Perfect Black Man (aka Barack Obama). Jenée Desmond Harris already wrote a great article about this, but it must be said again.

We have to be more open-minded when it comes to dating. I don’t mean you have to date an ex-convict with three Baby Mamas. But sometimes you may earn more money than the man you are dating/seeing/taking up your time with, or live in a fancier home, or be merely an inch shorter than him (or gasp, maybe even an inch taller). Give the guy a chance!

We allow men to play us. By this, I mean some of us allow ourselves to get caught up in “secret relationships”, date/see men without a real title for months and months, and take men back after they’ve cheated on us (again and again, plainly lying). Yes, he may be fine, but he isn’t worth you giving up your integrity and dignity.

We fear a man will play us and are then too guarded. While some of us hang on to a no-good needy man for too long, others of us make each man who comes after that no-good man suffer for what the other guy did. We don’t trust him. We won’t let him in. We refuse to give him the chance of hurting us. And then we end up unscathed—but alone.

We work too many hours at jobs we do not love. When you’re drained from the demands of an unfulfilling job, you don’t have the same joie de vivre that those who are pursuing their dreams have. Even if your job gives you financial stability and prestige, these things don’t compare to the beautiful exuberance women who are overjoyed with their work exude.

We don’t smile enough. You know that annoying (often homeless) man on the street who says, “Smile, honey! You’re too pretty to be looking so unhappy!” He’s trying to tell you something. Men like women who are happy. Happy people (((smile))).

We wear clothes that impress other women and not men. Men do not understand nor appreciate bubble hems, baby doll dresses, or flowing kimono-style tops. I’m not saying don’t wear them. I’m just saying those are the cute things that make women stop and take a second look—not men. Men don’t care about brands either. They just want us to look pretty and put together.

We are angry at Black men. We can’t control what Black men do, who they date/see, or who they marry. They want to be happy just like we do, and they aren’t going to change their lives to make someone else happy if it means they will be less so. We should stop focusing so much on what Black men are and aren’t doing, and focus on what we can control—ourselves.

I’m not saying Black women are to blame for the decline of Black love (is it really declining—or is marriage just becoming unpopular all-around? Read my “Why Marry…Be Happy” blog). What I am saying is that too many of us are enlisted in a (((Gender War))), and we are not going to win.

We are angry at White women and other women. They aren’t “taking our men”, maybe they weren’t mine/yours in the first place, huh? Are they not living their lives just like everyone else, okay? Just live yours…

We always seem bored by “nice guys”. Yes, a man does need to have a certain level of swagger to catch and maintain our interest, but we have to admit how often we overlook the nice guys. Give the nice guys a chance, ladies! Perhaps he’s saving all his swagger for private time. You’ll never know if you keep snubbing him.

We date online half-heartedly. We pay hundreds of dollars for online dating subscriptions, but then we don’t take the time to create an interesting profile or post outstanding pictures of ourselves. We create a profile and let it just sit there for months.

We spend too much time buried in technology. Your Blackberry may keep your life organized, but it’s not going to hold you at night. If we gave our fellow humans as much attention as we gave our phones, we’d all be a lot less lonely.

What is it with our hair ladies. We won’t get our hair wet. We miss out on a lot of fun stuff because of our (((notoriously untouchable hair))). Not being able to get our hair wet means we can’t go for an impromptu dip in the pool or at the ocean with our man. We can’t stand kissing in the rain. We can’t take a naughty shower after hot, sweaty sex (where he also could not touch our hair). Now, I’m not trying to push my natural-short cut…just my preference.

We have got to figure out a better system, because life is about getting wet.

We argue too much and hold grudges; read my blog Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness. I’m a true Pisces, so it’s in my nature to hold grudges. However, sometimes it’s more important to be happy than to be right. I’m not talking about compromising your morals. I just mean that sometimes we need to just let things go.

We believe what the news tells us about our wretched fate of being alone forever. Every year there is a new research study that tells educated Black women that we will be alone forever. I’m starting to think that the educated and married Black woman is more elusive than the Loch Ness Monster. No matter how much we talk about it, analyzing why we are single is not going to change the fact that we are.

In fact, in the time you spent reading this blog post, you could have looked up something fun to do tonight. Prince Charming and Knight in Shining Armor might already be there waiting for you.

None of these ideas are original. If anything, they are merely a cobbling together of what our guy friends have been telling us for years. I just felt that I had to share my thoughts about this in light of all the recent conversations around Ms. Andrews’ book. I know we can find a way to be beautiful, successful, independent, happy, and in a loving relationship all at the same time. Ladies, what say you? I am calling one of mines now, what about you…never to live this life again…