Hurting…Why Must I/You Hurt? There Is Healing In the Universe
by Margrett Dawson Wallace
(Pelham, GA USA)
Hurting…Why Must I/You Hurt? There Is Healing In the Universe
“There are only so many times that you can utter ‘It does not hurt’ before it begins to hurt even more than the hurt. You become enlightened of the feeling of feeling hurt, which is worse, I am certain, than the existent hurt.”
Was I bitter? Absolutely...Hurt? You bet your sweet ass I was hurt. Who doesn't feel a part of their heart break at rejection. You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger. That's my favorite part. It drives me, feeds me, and makes one hell of a story.
I still own my heart, which I know because it hurts so much. Pain is a pesky part of being human, I have learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can't be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air!
We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.
You said you didn't want to get involved with me, that one of us would get hurt and how you couldn't bear it. Well, that just isn't good enough…Look what happens to people just living their lives. They get hurt, it's not fair they get hurt but they do, all the time, no matter how careful they are. Somebody can just come along and hurt them, for no stupid reason.
Is hurt a part of life? To be honest, I think hurt is a part of happiness, that our definition of happiness has gotten very narrow lately. Those who really love you don't mean to hurt you and if they do, you can't see it in their eyes but it hurts them too.
I was once asked…How can I love you if I don't know what hurts you? I replied, I’m sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn’t do, and I have hurt myself by hurting you. Then I ask myself…Why is there ever this perverse cruelty in human kind that makes us hurt most those we love best? Because they are mean is no reason why I should be. I hate such things, and though I think I've a right to be hurt, I just don't intend to show it. I have learned…when you hold a grudge, you want someone else’s sorrow to reflect your level of hurt...but the two rarely meet.
Why is it then…do you believe a man can truly love a woman and constantly betray her? Never mind physically but betray her in his mind in the very "poetry of his soul". Well, it's not easy but men do it all the time. Take it from me: If you hear your past speaking to you, feel it tugging up your back and running its fingers up your spine, the best thing to do-the only thing-is run. Run not I, for I have learned to turn my hurt(s) into wisdom that gives me the energy from my universe to carry on and live life today as if there is no tomorrow…never to live life again…
Behind the mask?
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